Ambush of the Inept
Ambush of the Inept
Summary: Moronic pirates make an otherwise boring patrol wacky fun!
Date: 2658.106
Related Logs: None

119CE System, Humboldt Quadrant — 1943 Hours 2658.106
The infinite void opens up outside the carrier, a wide field of stars visible in the pitch black of space, with the larger sphere of the agricultural planet Helen close enough to stand out on its own. The bulk of the carrier lingers nearby, flanked by the equally large forms of the cruisers Corunna and Rorke's Drift. A handful of smaller escorts loiter nearby, holding station between the larger ships, dwarfed by the bulk of the heaviest ships the Confederation has to offer… and yet still massive compared to a fighter craft in their own right.

Patrols are terribly boring business at the best of times, really… especially when the same few routes have been flown over and over for the last few days. There are, after all, a limited number of places worth protecting here in 119CE. Still, perhaps just to vary the routine, the flight today has been sent on the opposite of the usual route… making their way through the system counter to the usual direction. Which is how we find a Stiletto, a Scimitar, and a Broadsword poking through an asteroid field on their way towards the furthest outbound point of their trip.

"hmm hmm hm hm hmm…" Paz hums to herself, settling back in her Scimitar's pilot's couch and eying her sensor panel, then sweeping local space with her eyes every few seconds. «Tsunami, Tizona, is it just me, or is this getting excruciatingly boring?» she calls with a sigh.

«Tizona, Tsunami, it's a patrol. When have they ever /not/ been boring?» Kanani calls out over the comms with a chuckle. Her Stiletto weaving it's way through the asteroids. «And I can't complain to much ya know. I'm just glad to be out in a frickinfighter again.»

« Here I was just thinking how much this sounds like the setup to a joke » Cole comments as his broadsword goes lumbering its way through the rocks. « A Broadsword, a Stiletto, and a Scimitar walk into an asteroid field…»

But things can never stay boring for long. As the three craft approach the edge of the asteroids, a scattering of sensor contacts show up on the radar. Half a dozen craft sit parked at the edge of the asteroids, waiting at what would normally be a perfect ambush position to catch the Majestic's patrol. If they were coming from the usual direction.

«Heh, you got a punch line for that one, Voodoo?» Paz queries, slipping around a few rocks before her sensor panel starts hooting at her. «My, my, my….what do we have here?» she calls. «Lead, Tizona, got six craft at position two one two mark three four seven. Can't get an ident paint on them, but they're not squawking Confed IFF, repeat, negative Confed IFFs. Think we just found us a few wanna-be ambushers.» she says in that certain, feral tone she gets before a fight. "Okay, you little shit stains…let's play." she grins, flicking her weapon selector to Dumbfire and starting to goose her throttles towards the firewall.

«Well, well. Looks like the patrol isn't going to be boring after all.» Kanani states dryly as she notices the unidentified fighters in ambush position. «I guess the surf is about to get a bit rough around here.» She states before she maneuvers her ship into attack position.

« Think the punchline just provided itself » Cole replies with a little grin. « Voodoo to Patrol, get in and make a mess of it. Let's try and punch out the escorts before they know we're here. I'll handle the big bitch once the little ones are thinned out a touch. » The broadsword banks to avoid an asteroid, slipping through the field to close on one of the Talons.

«Copy that, Lead.»Paz calls, flipping her weapons back to mass driver to save her missiles for the Drayman.

The Confederation fighters streak in towards their targets, a volley of missiles provides the first warning for the pirates that they might just be looking the wrong way. One Talon shatters entirely, another two shed pieces of their structure as the Confederation fighters attack… the Pirates belated in turning to respond, one pilot in the confusion speaking over an open channel « Damn, they're tearing me apart! »

"Heh, surprise!" Paz calls as she lines up the pipper on her targeting reticule on the first of the escorts and squeezes off a burst, peeling away some of the enemy fighter's armor, but not much more. "Well, that was disappointing." she sighs, and flips her ship to the vertical, yawing over and pitching back down to attack again.

"Damn, he got lucky that time." Kanani calls out, as her missile hits her target, but only does some serious structural damage to the Talon. And not the sort of big explosion she was really hoping for. She switches over to guns, and swings her Stiletto around once more, trying to finish him off.

Cole watches his first missile track straight into the cockpit of his target, with predictably unfriendly results for the occupant. The bomber pilot's face appears on the comms a moment later, cheerfully (and badly) singing into his comms with an Australian accent far more exaggerated than his natural one « Waltzing Matilda, waltzing Matilda, you'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me…» before he cuts loose with a second missile.

"Oh for crying out loud!" Paz growls as her rounds once again peel away some armor and punch a few holes, but do little else. "Okay, one last time here." she says, wincing as a flash of Neutron fire illuminates her cockpit but doesn't hit her. "Pitch up, you ugly bastard." she grumbles to her scimitar, lining up her next shot.

"Hah! Who taught you guys how to shoot?" Kanani says with a slight smirk, as she dodges the shots of both of the ships firing on her. A few seconds later, as her mass driver merely scratches her target, is heard. "Apparently the same people who taught me." After a few moments of maneuvering, she decides to change her target to one of the Orion, and attempts to launch a heat seeker into it's engines.

« I think they didn't like my singing… » Cole complains after the thud of weapons fire into his Broadsword's heavy armor, and the swarm of craft moving to close in on his broadsword. « Switching to torpedoes and engaging that Drayman. »

Voodoo's broadsword proves surprisingly agile, slipping past weapons fire from three of the pirate craft as it continues to make its way in towards the transport. The transport's lasers finally open up, a wildly inaccurate line of fire reaching out towards the bomber as well… though that first reaction is likely to get more accurate in a hurry.

Unfortunately, the attacks from the Confederation craft prove to have a tough time penetrating the thicker hides of the civilian vessels they're up against, inflicting more minor damage to their targets but failing to bring one down.

Kanani gives a slight sigh, as it becomes obvious that her heat seekers have about as much chance of punching through an Orion's armor as genetically unaltered pigs have of flying on their own power. "That didn't work like I wanted." She states, and then switches her target back to her original foe, in an attempt to rid the playing field of the ship. "Hey, nice flying there, Voodoo. Certainly better than your singing, at least." She states with a

Assigned to a reconnaissance patrol by himself at a nearby way-point, Kell managed to pick up the comm chatter or some combat going on nearby and decided to deviate slightly from his flight plan to see if he could lend a hand. Choosing speed over stealth, the Stiletto can be seen with its afterburners burning brightly as it closes in on the fur ball that had already begun. «Razor here, looks like you guys could use a hand.»

Seems like Kell's speedy entry didn't go unnoticed by the enemy, a trio of them turning their guns on the new arrival. The Stiletto sprays out a quick burst of Mass Driver fire before kicking into a barrel roll to evade the incoming return fire.

«Razor, Tizona, welcome to the party! Plenty of cake to go around, grab yourself a slice and enjoy the fun.» Paz grins over the radio, smiling in satisfaction as her shots start to pick her chosen target apart, though not as fast as she would like.

« Welcome to the party, Razor. Apologies for getting started without you, but it seemed a shame to keep the ladies waiting. » Voodoo speaks into his comms, his broadsword pulling into level flight to line up with the pirate transport. "Open wide, fellas…" Cole murmurs under his breath as the tone in his ear changes to a solid one, and he lights off the first of his four torpedoes.

Sustained gunfire finally takes its toll on the lead pirate fighter, shattering it in a hail of fragments. The torpedo aimed at the transport, unfortunately, is caught by the laser fire aimed for the bomber that launched it… sparing the broadsword from further damage, but detonating the torpedo well short of its target.

"About damn time!" Paz grumbles as her opponent's ship finally disintegrates. "Okay, enough playing around." she growls, switching her weapon selector back to Dumbfire, tipping over and diving for the lead Orion.

The initial exchange went as expected for Kell as his wild shots was more of a distracting nature than a lethal one. His sleek fighter however was able to nimbly dance through the hail of return fire that came from the three hostiles, who also gave the new arrival a rather energetic greeting. Screaming past the hostiles, the young Lieutenant pulls back hard on his flight stick into a half loop and quickly latches onto one of the hostile fighters. He reaches down with one hand and switches on the master lock for a Heat Seeker, waiting for a solid tone before unleash his first of three Heat Seeker Missiles.

"Geez, they just don't know when to die, do they?" Kanani asks rhetorically, as she gets a good hit on her target, but not quite good enough. She maneuvers around for yet another pass, and opens fire once more on the ship. "Aloha, Razor. Nice of you to drop by." She also adds in greeting to the newly arrived to the party, squad mate

« Damn. » Cole grumbles as his first torpedo is detonated short of its target, his broadsword swinging around for another pass… this time, the Captain flies in closer to the transport, before cutting loose with his second shot for the front end of the ship and its rather exposed bridge.

The transport pilot manages to turn away from the shot, unable to prevent it from striking.. but taking it instead in the open space of its cargo hold, limiting the effect of the impact. The remaining pirate craft continue to prove their durability, despite a hail of weapons fire…

The heat seeker launched by Kell flies straight and true, leaving a heat trail right to the rear of the Orion Heavy Gunship. Upon impact, there is a bright explosion but much to the young Lieutenant's disappointment, the only damage was to the thick armor plating of the Orion, leaving it more or less with just superficial damage.
Checking his six o'clock, Kell sees that he has managed to pick up a bandit on his tail but ignores it for now as he keeps after the Heavy Gunship but splits his attention to both the front target and the one behind him. Keeping his fighter dancing, the Stiletto unleashes another Heat Seeker at the Orion while calling out a warning, «Watch it, Tsunami, you've got two bearing down on you».

« Luckiest fucking pirate alive » Cole grumbles as his second shot meets with less than spectacular result. « Just ate enough firepower to cripple a goddamn destroyer… » he adds, before his bomber swings around again for another pass… not about to let that transport get away with its bit of good luck forever. « Good job with those escorts, they've barely touched me » he adds a moment later.

«I see them. Thanks for the heads up.» Kanani states as she switches her weapons over to the guns, now that she's out of missiles. She doesn't bother commenting on the failure of her last missile to do any actual damage, and instead just concentrates of flying her bird for the moment, as she lines up her next shot, trying to stay aware of the position of both the ships bearing down on her.

«Now that's more like it.» Paz beams as she watches her Dumbfire smash into the body of her target and nearly split it in two. «Copy, Voodoo. How's everyone doing out there?» she calls, spinning back to the vertical and lining up to spray her crippled enemy with tracer fire.

As the fight continues to drag on, Confederation firepower begins to tell the tale… two more of the heavy craft falling apart as they're battered by weapons fire from the more maneuverable fighter craft. The pirate transport absorbs a second torpedo shot, staggered but still flying… beyond what all common sense would dictate.

Paz winces a little as the Orion she's attacking tries to swat her with a few megawatts of Neutron fire, but fortunately, the bad guys can't shoot for shit tonight and she's squeezing the trigger a moment later. "Vaya con Dios, my friend." Paz smiles as the lead Orion reduces itself to its component atoms. Yo-yo'ing over at the top of her climb, she spots a nifty angle on the second Orion's engines and puts the pipper right on them. "Let's see how you like this."

« When we get back to the carrier, someone remind me to check out many of these warheads have been loaded with confetti » Cole grumbles as the second detonation seems to do far less damage to the pirate transport than it really should. « Lining up with my last fish, let's see if this one counts… »

The second Heat Seeker has a bit more luck on the more sluggish Orion gunship but it is still a heavy thug, taking most of the impact with some minor damage that is slowly affecting it. Kell presses on though, sticking to the Orion's tail while shaking the cannon bursts from both the Talon fighter and Drayman. Gritting his teeth, the young Lieutenant kicks his Stiletto up and does a half lateral roll before dipping back down, diving at the Orion and unleashing his last Heat Seeker Missile from its hard point, letting it scream at the heavy gunship.

«Woo! That'll show you!» Kanani calls out to her target as her mass drivers rip through his cockpit, and then tear up the rest of the Talon. As she dodges the returning fire from her attackers, she gives a decently passable imitation of the Roadrunner's infamous "Beep beep!" and chuckles as she aims her stiletto towards the final Talon.

«Heh, Cole, I think that one we can count as 'hot'.» Paz chuckles as the Drayman goes up like a firework in a Chinese New Years parade. "Dammit!" she grunts as her seemingly perfect shot is blunted by the Orion's armor. "Fine! Be that way!" she snarls, switching to heat seekers and grinning malevolently as her ears fill with the pleasant growling noise of an IR seeker locking on to the enemy ship's engine.

« Fair suck of the sav! Four bloody torpedoes on a transport. » Cole grumbles into his headset, giving a little shake of his head. The bomber turns away from the explosion, angling its main guns towards one of the fighters attempting to flee and cutting loose with a steady stream of mass driver slugs. « Thank god they didn't have anything bigger » he adds, grumbling about the last target even as he fires at the new one. The torpedoes and their less-than-spectacular impact are going to be a sore point for a while, it seems.

«Nice shot, Captain.» Kanani chuckles, as the Drayman breaks up. Her chuckle however becomes a growl of faint annoyance, as her shot hits her target, but despite tearing up the Talon's wing a good bit, doesn't do any major structural damage. She pulls her Scimitar into a looping roll as she tries to get a good shot on the ship, trying to prevent the pirates from getting away.

The last Heat Seeker Missile fired by Kell also flies true and this time it does a little bit more damage, but not anywhere enough for a kill. The Orion is rocked and its armor is pretty shredded but that is about it for now. His eyes does catch the Drayman breaking up and he gives a quick thumbs up to the bomber pilot before diving back at the Orion, switching to Mass Drivers and unloading a hail of projectiles at the fleeing pirate craft.

The last two fighters don't manage to make their escape… Kanani's shots shattering the last of the Talons. The sole surviving Orion is struck by a stream of mass driver fire from in front, then a missile from behind… careening drunkenly into the asteroids, before slamming into one and detonating with enough force to crack the rock it smashed into.

« Looks like that's the last of them » Voodoo reports, looking towards his own ship's damage readout. « Status reports, wing. Lead is showing minor damage to forward armor. No systems damage ».

Watching as the heavy gunship goes out of control, spinning into its own demise, Kell lets out a satisfied sigh before cutting back his speed to cruising level and joining the other patrol. «Razor here, no damage, missile payload empty.» He gives the answer after checking his systems real quick before looking at the other friendly fighters.

«Lead, Tizona, nose armor's dented some, got about half a bag of ammo left, plus one heat seeker.» Paz reports. «Fuel state's nominal, all other systems are doing just fine. Shame about that Orion. Was thinking maybe we could bully the SOB into surrendering. Get him back to the carrier and beat some answers about where the pirates are operating out of. him.» she sighs, settling back in her couch.

«Wow. I guess those Talon's have a glass jaw.» Kanani comments with a hint of surprise in her tone, as the Talon she was firing on explodes after her last volley. She then checks her system readouts before answering over the comm. «Tsunami here. No damage on my bird, and the missile payloads all dried up.» She states as she continues to maneuver her fighter around the asteroids in the area.

« Copy, Tizona. But look on the bright side, now you can say you had an Orion on the rocks. » Cole comments, giving a little chuckle at his own bit of macabre humor. « Let's bring it back to the barn and report in. With one heater between us, I'm thinking looking for more trouble's a losing proposition. » the Broadsword pilot orders in a somewhat more serious tone.

«Sounds like a plan to me, Lead.» Paz replies, starting to nudge her Scimitar around the last of the asteroids and plotting a course back to the carrier, now a distant pinprick of reflected starlight in her canopy. «Last one to FAL's gotta pay the check. Tizona, out.»

As the main patrol group heads back in the direction of the Majestic, Kell banks his Stiletto away in another direction, «Razor here, have two more way points to check out so I'll catch you guys at the FAL later. Have a safe flight home, Razor out.» With a quick waggle of his wings, the Lieutenant kicks his fighter's afterburners on and speeds away, towards its original way point

« Safe travels, Razor » Cole replies as he swings his bomber around for the carrier again. « And I'm afraid that's probably going to be me, Tizona. I've got an action report to write after I land » Cole reminds with a little chuckle. « So I'll be seeing my office before I ever see the lounge ».

«Roger that, lead. Heading back to the Boat.» Kanani states with a bit of a chuckle, as her fighter leaves the asteroid field, and directs it's way towards the carrier. Another chuckle comes over the comm as Paz gives her challenge, the Stiletto's engines fire up in order to edge past the Scimitar, though she slows back down to stay close to the other two members of her patrol once she's out front. «You sure you wanna make that sort of bet, Tizona? And take care Razor. Was good to have you along.»

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